Summer is a fantastic time to go out, get some vitamin D and enjoy a chilled glass of liquor. It’s also when the majority of the best festivals, concerts and club nights are. This can lead to some, umm rather sweaty situations. So if you want to bosh all the way through the warmer months without losing your cool, its best to come prepared. Here are my favourite ways of doing so…
LED writer fan
A hand held fan might seem like a bit of a pedestrian entry in a post about cool ways of staying cool but this is a fan like no other. It uses persistence of vision to create messages that seemingly float in mid-air and its programmable on the go. This makes it a really handy way of communicating when the music is louder than Brian Blessed stubbing all 10 toes at once (or expressing your love for the DJ, that girl/guy across the dancefloor, life etc.) . This kind of makes it the ultimate accesory for a hot club…. keeping you cool, providing glow and saving your poor vocal chords from having to shout ‘what did you just say?’ into your friends ear 10 times in a row. Which is why its also in my post about the best clubbing accesories for under £10 . Oh and in case you were wondering they’re pretty effective at being fans too 😉 Available at shops like Tiger or online
Menoscarf
Counter-intuitive as it seems to use a scarf to cool down, these really do work. They are essentially a closed pouch of material filled with the water absorbing granules that you can buy to keep your hanging baskets looking green. The net effect is when you run one of these under water for a minute or so, they will absorb many times their own volume in water and release it slowly over the next couple of hours. This evaporates while it is released and cools the scarf down in the process. They are designed and marketed for women going through hot flushes, but I promise you they work just as effectively on sweaty ravers (and I’m sure there must be at least some overlap in that Venn diagram). If it gets a bit warm just flip it over or run it under some more water. No batteries required and very reusable. Unlike some of the other items on the list, it would also take an incredibly arse-y bouncer to say you couldn’t bring this in somewhere (especially if you bring it dry). They’re available for £5-10 on Amazon (and there are also several equivalents), or if you don’t like the available patterns and you’re a dab hand with a needle and thread, you could always try making your own
Magicool
One of those ideas that’s so simple, its amazing it took them so long to come up with it. Essentially just water (with a little alcohol added to help it evaporate) in an aerosol can. You spray it in your face (which takes a little getting used to) and it instantly forms a cool cloud of mist around you. There are two small downsides, firstly from a festival/club perspective, some bouncers might take one look at it at take it straight off you, I’m not entirely sure why … probably because it violates their policy on bringing your own booze in. This makes the second issue, the (quite frankly mad) cost, a bit of a sting. Its bad enough to spend £2.50 upwards on a can of water but having it taken off you would make it even worse. There are often deals on it if you hunt around which definitely helps or alternatively there are some similar but significantly cheaper options. My favourites are the pump action spray bottle and the (hilarious looking) sprayfan. Both of which provide a similar effect but with the added bonus of being completely reusable which is better for your wallet and the environment
Menthol talc
Have you ever chewed of a piece of airwaves gum and thought ‘Mmm, I wish my nether regions could experience the same minty coolness’? Just me then, I guess. Even assuming you haven’t, menthol talc is great way of staying cool in the summer … it combines the drying and freshening effects of talc, with a cool menthol thrum that lasts a good few minutes. Its not hugely popular in the UK, so you may need to get it off the internet e.g. gold bond at amazon (or if you’re in Holland, you can buy the excellent Etos version pictured above). It is however well worth hunting some down for some instant relief. If you do want to take some to a club or festival though, its probably wise to take the whole container though … bouncers seem to have this inexplicable hatred of people bringing unidentified white powders with them
Bladeless fan
It might be the second fan on the list, but there is a good reason to consider bringing one of these to a club over your common-or-garden variety fan. Especially if you’re a girl (or guy) with long flowing locks of hair. Trust me, if you’ve ever tried to disentangle a friend from a handheld fan at 4 in the morning after you’ve both been drinking since 4 that afternoon, its not an experience you’d hugely want to repeat. Also, as an added bonus, there is a sponge at the back which can be soaked and frozen to provide what they (somewhat optimistically) describe as an ‘air conditioning effect’. If you can befriend a kind member of bar staff to do this for you, it does make a difference. I will say they are quite large for a portable fan but if you’re the sort of person who drunkenly enjoys putting your face into stuff, then this is probably the one for you. Cheapest on Aliexpress, but it can take a while so I’d order from Ebay if you need it urgently
The MacGuyver approach
All of the approaches listed above do require some forward planning, so what do you do if you’re already at the event and you’re feeling hotter than a vindaloo. Probably best to improvise than boil alive, so what’s the best approach out there. First and foremost, get to a tap or other water source to start cooling down. The blood vessels in your wrists and neck (and groin for that matter) are very close to the surface and hence a good target for cooling off. Start by wetting the whole of your head and neck and then leave the cool water running over your wrists. I guarentee you’ll feel better after a few minutes.
If you actually want to follow in the footsteps of the mulleted hero though, you really need to make something. Get hold of some fabric e.g. a thin scarf, torn collar of T shirt, bandana etc. and use it in a similar way to the menoscarf above. For maximum chillage wet it, swing it above your head a couple of times so that its nice and frosty and apply it to the neck or wrists. Even better fill it with ice, but make sure that you wash the booze off it first. If you’re really feeling boiling, you can also do this with your top (although, if you’re a girl and you’re wearing a white top, this may not be advisable). Once you’ve got yourself wet, you need to dry out again … one of the fringe benefits of the smoking ban is that clubs now have to let you outside (which was a very rare occurance back in the old days) so go out and let the breeze help cool you off. If you can get hold of a large piece of paper (a poster would be ideal) you can turn it into a massive concertina fan to help along with the process NB If the poster you take is A0 size, you may need someone else to fan you… Pharoah style
Of course a real Macguyver approach would involve breaking into the DJ booth to steal some dry ice, reverse engineering a fridge into an A/C unit or perhaps using a strong endothermic reaction between common household substances. While these are all viable options, there are some issues. By the time that they are ready a) you’d probably be much hotter than before you started and b) the event would be over. Oh and c) playing with household chemicals is as likely to horrifically maim you as creating a nice cooling effect. Anyway, I digress…
Love, Peace and a chilled out summer to all,
D
Dataphiles' Music Madness 